you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
