That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
there is puke in my bra ... again
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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