In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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