Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
