guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
are you so shy because you have an std?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
