I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm getting married
To pizza
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
