I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize