Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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