Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
