thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
