i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
