Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
