I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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