mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
