Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
