yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
