Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
