Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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