Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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