how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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