I cockslap morals
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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