My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
