"it" just moved
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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