Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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