paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
