Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Let's get the cat blown out
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
