i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
