How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
