THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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