I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
