My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
