I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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