cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
