How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
