What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
