I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
