Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
