New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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