my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
