maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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