***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's blow job season.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
