brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
