would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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