Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
