Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
