the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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