I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
