put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
