God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize