My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
