And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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