i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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