i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
