So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
