I just threw up on my dentist
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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