the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
