i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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