just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
