Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Someone shattered a urinal.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
