I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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