4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
