I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
