i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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