I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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