I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Welp...herpes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
