do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize