I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
