This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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