I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
