you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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