He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
These tits shall not be calmed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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