Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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