loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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