no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
