Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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