If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
