But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
