I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
