Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
