I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
