Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
