Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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