batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
