I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
