I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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