Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
