then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We had sex on a dog bed..
When are your genitals available?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
