She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize