its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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