I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
