I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
