Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
