My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize