life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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