don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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