what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my liver is dry heaving
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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