I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
