Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize